my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
