worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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