I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
