i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
