$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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