What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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