yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
