why didn't you poke me back
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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