Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
