dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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