you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You need a sexual gate keeper
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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