I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I got inside last night via doggy door
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
