No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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