you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
