he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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