you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
