Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
