Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
