I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
time to smoke my breakfast
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
