maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
