i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
