I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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