im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
