I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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