I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
