so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
