billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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