I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
