You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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