I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
