I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
