his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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