my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
