I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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