I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
