Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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