If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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