it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
