So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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