Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
