wrigley field is MILF paradise
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
