im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
