haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
