When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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