i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
