I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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