Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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