I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This house was built for laser tag.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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