Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
