I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
