Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
