i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
